What not to say at a funeral? (2023)

What do you not say at a funeral?

The worst things to say at a funeral

Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.

What to say at a funeral when you don't know what to say?

I wish I had the right words to say, but please know I'm here to listen.
When You Don't Know What to Say at a Visitation
  • My condolences.
  • I'm really sorry you're going through this.
  • Your mom was a wonderful woman.
  • You loved him/her well.
  • I'm thinking of your family during this difficult time.
Oct 29, 2020

What is the most comforting thing to say at a funeral?

“I'm so sorry about your loss. [The deceased] was a good person and they'll be very missed.” “Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.” “[The deceased] was a wonderful person and I'll miss them very much.”

What is disrespectful at a funeral?

"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.

What is the most common thing said at a funeral?

Offering Condolences: What to Say at a Funeral
  • “I am so sorry for your loss”
  • “You and your loved one are in my thoughts and prayers”
  • “This is so sad to hear, I'm thinking of you and the family”
  • “If you want to talk at any time, I'm here”
  • “Shocked and saddened by this news if you need anything I'm here”

How do you send regrets to a funeral?

What to Write in a Card or on Flowers When You Can't Attend a Funeral
  1. I am so sorry that I can't be there to say goodbye to Aunt Jean. ...
  2. I wish I could be there with you, but I recently got out of the hospital. ...
  3. Please accept my sincerest apologies for not being able to attend the funeral.
Nov 30, 2022

What is usually read at a funeral?

Some traditional prayers, psalms and religious readings include, Psalms 23; Romans 8:14-23; The Lord's Prayer; The Serenity Prayer; and I Corinthians 15:51-57. For more inspiration, take a look at this list of funeral prayers and scriptural verses.

How do you stop crying at a funeral?

Blink rapidly

This is a way to clear up any tears, but won't just stop them from rolling down your face. You'll also keep them from forming. If you're unable to blink rapidly, try blinking slowly. If you open your eyes wide, you can cut off the flow of tears before they start.

How do I speak well at a funeral?

Tips for Getting Through a Funeral Speech
  1. Look at your speech like an opportunity. ...
  2. Preparation is key. ...
  3. Listen to your heart. ...
  4. Don't worry about getting emotional. ...
  5. Have a glass of water and some tissues handy. ...
  6. Memorise parts of the speech. ...
  7. Think about eye contact. ...
  8. Don't rush through it.

How do you show respect at a funeral?

It is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased if the body is present and the casket is open. You may wish to say a silent prayer for, or meditate about, the deceased at this time. In some cases the family may escort you to the casket. The length of your visit at the wake is a matter of discretion.

What are opening words at a funeral?


Family and friends, I welcome you into this gathering which is made sacred with the spirit of love and friendship you bring to this gathering. On behalf of Elizabeth's family I would like say “thank you” so very much, to all of you who have come to be with them today.

What is a good funeral message?

My condolences.” “I offer you my thoughts, prayers, and well-wishes during this dark time in your life.” “May the love which comes from the memories of the dearly departed comfort you now and in the days ahead.” “As you grieve know that we are remembering you and honoring the memory of [Name].

How do you honor a loved one at a funeral?

9 Ways to Honor a Loved One Who Has Passed
  1. Keep something of theirs with you. ...
  2. Support a cause close to their heart, and yours. ...
  3. Make a tribute donation to a nonprofit. ...
  4. Create a living reminder. ...
  5. Dedicate an event to their memory. ...
  6. Start a new tradition. ...
  7. Share their stories and photos. ...
  8. Live your best life.
Feb 3, 2018

How do you show empathy at a funeral?

In general, to express empathy consider:
  1. Practicing listening without distractions.
  2. Listen more than talk.
  3. Maintain centered and open body language.
  4. Keep eye contact.
  5. Allow for spaces of silence as needed by the griever.
  6. Ask questions about the relationship, the griever's feelings and anxieties and ways in which you can help.
Oct 23, 2020

What color is disrespectful at a funeral?

Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.

Can you smile at a funeral?

It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It's also a nonverbal way of showing support.

Who speaks first at a funeral?

The speech is ideally given by someone who knew the person well enough to gather and share memories and highlights of his/her life. Sometimes the choice is obvious within the family. There is often one person who seems to be the unofficial family spokesperson.

What's the hardest part of a funeral?

The 10 Hardest Parts of the Funeral Industry
  • One. The Silence. Silence is the voice of death. ...
  • Two. The Money. Aside from the silence, tallying up the bill is always difficult for me. ...
  • Three. Flirting. ...
  • Four. Tragic deaths. ...
  • Five. Transference. ...
  • Six. Morticians not Magicians. ...
  • Seven. The Night Calls. ...
  • Eight. Meeting Our Own Demons.
Sep 13, 2016

What should you say at a funeral?

I'm sorry for your loss. “ “Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.” “(The deceased) was a great person, and I'll miss them very much.”

Do I have to speak at a funeral?

It is not written anywhere that you have to speak at your loved one's funeral. There are no rules requiring such a moment. If you feel compelled to greet and thank all those gathered or share your thoughts about your loved one, write your thoughts and have someone else read your words during the service.

What is proper funeral etiquette?

Traditional funeral etiquette dictates that you should introduce yourself, starting with your name and how you knew the deceased. Express your condolences and move on. Don't monopolize the mourners. Give others a chance to share their support.

Who should speak first at a funeral?

The speech is ideally given by someone who knew the person well enough to gather and share memories and highlights of his/her life. Sometimes the choice is obvious within the family. There is often one person who seems to be the unofficial family spokesperson.

When should you not go to a funeral?

Funerals are emotional events and if there is family conflict, estranged relationships, or other reasons that can make the occasion uncomfortable, then the better personal choice may be to not attend. Funerals are a way for friends and family to say their goodbyes, reminisce, or grieve, and ultimately find closure.

Who walks in first at a funeral?

Unless they have chosen to be seated beforehand, the family comes next, chief mourner(s) first, walking with whomever he or she chooses. Close friends may follow, completing the procession. The family and pallbearers occupy the front rows, with friends filling vacant places on either side.

Do you wear jeans to a funeral?

Can you wear jeans to a funeral? Bottom line: jeans are not appropriate for a funeral. Unless the family requests them, you should avoid wearing denim to a funeral. However, if it's a casual, outdoor service, you can consider a dark (almost black denim) paired with a button-down shirt and blazer.

How much money do you give at funeral?

How Much Should You Give? The traditional gift is the amount you would have spent on flowers for the service, generally between $50 and $100.

How much do you tip a pastor for a funeral?

Some pastors will state outright the fee for them to conduct the funeral service, while others will ask for a donation to the church. When it comes to donations, this can either be a monetary donation, with $150-$200 often being the most common, or a gift.

What not to do during a wake?

But during the wake of their beloved, superstitions say that one must refrain from sweeping the floor. Neither should you try and take a shower at the place where the deceased is. Doing so may send its spirit away from the place, preventing it from “safely passing” to life after death.

Why do they take bodies out feet first?

In 19th century Europe and America, the dead were carried out of the house feet first, in order to prevent the spirit from looking back into the house and beckoning another member of the family to follow him, or so that he couldn't see where he was going and would be unable to return.

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